January Jottings

I’m sitting here writing this with Late Junction on Iplayer, Larkin napping, and strangest of all, and the sun shining and the clothes outside drying. It has been an unexpected January – mild and not terribly grim at all. Of course by the time you read this I might be eating my words, but thus far we’ve been able to be out and about plenty. We went wassailing in Stanmer Park (serenading the apple trees by lantern-light and wetting their roots with cider to ensure a good crop), and attended the opening of the camera obscura in Tarner Park. This is to be a permanent fixture – Friends of Tarner will hold a key – and it’s a marvel. It made me feel quite child-like with delight, to see delicate trees waving, people walking and birds flying across the inside walls of the tower as we sat in the dark. If you get a chance to go you must.

For those of you who are wondering – J did survive my absence just fine; and – bonus! – so did the children. And it was lovely to come back in time for Christmas (though it was lovely to have had two weeks in the sun too, of course). I was a bit shell-shocked and found myself wishing to get back into normal routines again after a few days of trying to ration the Quality Streets and watching Narnia movies. We chopped up and burnt the tree on Boxing Day, which I think tells you something.

My New Year resolution has been to buy a desk and regain the physical and mental space required for creativity. I used to draw, write, paint, make things…now my house is full of boxes of materials and half-finished projects buried beneath layers of child-paraphernalia. Motherhood is wonderful – and I am in no way devaluing its enormous importance as a job or role – but it’s so easy for your identity to become subsumed, and all those things you wished for, to become focused on the child(ren). We tend to feel guilty about pursuing our own hobbies, interests, even careers, at the expense of ‘quality time’ with our children. But I’d argue it’s important for them to see you as a dynamic, rounded individual with interests outside of them. And one-on-one focused play is great, but let’s face it, it’s also pretty dull. You can’t possibly do it all the time, or even most of the time – a child need to learn to amuse herself, while you get on with your stuff, too. That’s what I think, anyway!

Finally – went to see a great band last night – Dr Bluegrass and the Illbilly 8. Fast, foot-stomping bluegrass, with a few tunes you’d recognise, too. They’re locals and play often in Hanover pubs so check them out if you get the chance.